I don’t actually have a guide for this yet, but I am newly pregnant and figuring things out! I dunno if it’s the case for every pregnant lady but I am HUNGRY, and especially hungry for iron-rich, red meat-y things that aren’t on my typical eating plan. Weight Watchers won’t allow you to attend meetings while pregnant, which is probably really good because there was a tiny part of me that was planning on losing the last 15 pounds while pregnant. When I have a day off, I find that I need at least a handful of naps, and sometimes I fall asleep sitting up. I’m working out still, but currently keeping it to prenatal yoga and pilates and long walks. I haven’t had a major sweat in at least a month, and when I hit the doctor for confirmation that I was with child, I had gained three pounds.
I am crazy, insanely stressed out about weight gain, but I also suspect that carrying this pregnancy has the potential to fully and forever change my relationship to the body I’ve been struggling with for almost 30 years now. Josh doesn’t like it when I poke my tummy irritably because the baby is hanging out in there. My breasts are supposed to be fuller and heavier, my body is supposed to be fatigued, and I am supposed to be going a little slower. I think there’s the potential to find a lot of harmony during this time, if I honor what this experience is and fight through my anxieties about what it will mean for the temporal form of my body. It’s extremely unlikely that I’ll gain back 90 pounds–although Josh jokes that if we find out this week we’re having twins, all bets are off–and even if I DO gain back EVERY SINGLE POUND I have the framework and the knowledge to work my way back.
The loveliest thing that the partner of an anxious pregnant woman can say, by the way, is that they had a day-dream in which they were watching the baby while you got a chance to work out. I wouldn’t say that to any lady who hasn’t expressly explained her post-pregnancy weight loss regime though. We pregnant people have the hormonal strength of, like, bears. When those hormones rush through me, I could punch a dolphin.
I’m hoping this is nine-ish months of learning to love my body as the full miraculous piece of divinity I think it might actually be. I feel full and lovely and strong and my skin looks AMAZING. I’m off my anti-anxiety meds, with the world’s best psychiatrist a phone call away, and I am learning a whole bunch about full, holistic living. Also, I am crying. A LOT. I was just watching SNL and Christina Applegate introduced Passion Pit and the way she looked so proud of them got me weepy. That part is maybe the least fun.
So, stay tuned! I hit the midwife this week for the first appointment, and I’m hoping we spend some time talking about diet and exercise and health. I’ve been scoping out cute maternity wear—there really IS some, I’m happy to report. I’m looking forward to designing a nursery and making Josh do all the work. I’m excited to get to a point where I’m clearly pregnant because my students have been asking me if I’m having kids since we first met. If things go according to plan, I’ll have a baby in late May and have the whole summer off for bonding. I don’t count as much of a mom yet but jeez if I don’t already love the experience a lot. Sometimes Josh comes home and says hey to us both individually and I feel like my heart might explode.
Here’s the first picture I’ve taken since I found out. I was off that night for a haunted DC walking tour, and since I get cold pretty easily, I layered up. My friend Kelly swore I’m glow-y already, but I think it was really just a combination of Friday afternoon relief and ghostly excitement. I love Halloween.
That is a University of Maryland beanie, a Fossil scarf, my cute warm new sweatshirt material jacket, Sweetheart cut old navy denim, and my new Adidas runners. Those runners get me so many compliments, and they really are just a great pair of shoes.